you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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