don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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