Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
