The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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