did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
