sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize