Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
