Duck Duck Cougar?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
