i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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