Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
