And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
