You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
