Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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