He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
