My hand turned me down
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize