3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
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