I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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