i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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