I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
