I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
