i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Also, beer. Big fan.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
