when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
