its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
