i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize