you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
