called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
