remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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