That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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