My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
