she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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