Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
