he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
