Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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