I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
