went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
