I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
