When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
