she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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