My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
