Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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