so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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