please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
you had me at cake vodka
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize