Just mADE A PArabola og urine
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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