Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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