Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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