Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
