you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
3 2 1 whiskey
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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