somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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