My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
