a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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