First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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