so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I got inside last night via doggy door
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize