I want to stick my p in your. b.
i just google imaged poop.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
