No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
