"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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