sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
