you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
