i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
