No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
