Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
