you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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