glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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