he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
