she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
