i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
