you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize