i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
