dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
