Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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