Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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