Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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