Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
